PCOS: The drag-down and the comeback

It has been a rough and trying year, and I know we all do our fair share of complaining, but I feel like I have been complaining enough for everyone. I luckily have the greatest husband, who also does his fair share of complaining (sorry C it's true!), and he has been incredibly patient as we go through week-long appointments every month to conceive a baby.

Looking back on our marriage, we have been in and out of hospitals since our first date in 2008 (in sickness & in health, right???). I would love a year that didn't result in some new diagnosis and hospital/clinic visits that didn't result in maxing out our "out-of-pocket" expenses for insurance(a few grand per person adds up ya know).

This year I finally graduated from college at Montana State University-Northern and earned my degree in Elementary Education/English 5-12.

C and I on graduation day at Northern || this is love ❤

With that being said, money has been tight for 3 years, as expected, but it was harder than imagined. I thought if we can get through 3 years of being flat broke and going in and out of the hospital for most our marriage, we can get through anything. 

this will be my tattoo someday

 But then I was diagnosed with PCOS in January while we were trying to get pregnant. Each month my anticipation caused stress, stress caused overeating, and my motivation went out the window. I was trying to get through student teaching, juggle the bills, keep my marriage happy, and figure out how to manage it all without killing my chances at getting pregnant. Stress is very hard on the body, but more so when you are trying to get pregnant, and worse when you have PCOS. When we get stressed, we can get upset, and I take most of that out on my husband. In this time, the 25 lbs worked hard to lose came back and with it 10 extra pounds. The extra weight triggered my degenerative disc disease and when I graduated I spent nearly a month trying to recuperate. My health started to get worse. I felt bloated all the time, nothing fit, my energy lacked, and I was unhappy around the clock. I was seeing all of my friends progress and losing weight, and some of them were even getting pregnant. I just wanted what they were getting, results. And envy in itself is just as unhealthy as weight gain.

photo from www.buzzquotes.com

We were supposed to own this year. Rock it! You know? The one where we pay back all we owe, lose more weight to be happier and healthier, and get out house in order to sell. We both owe more and weigh more  than we did in January (stress affected him, too. What I ate, he ate...), and we were never able to sell our house and move to a new location. We want change somewhere in our life.

Needless to say, I really want something to go positive and stay there, so I am preparing for a comeback. I need to take my PCOS seriously if I want to even think about getting pregnant or to live without diabetes. It really affects your health in more ways than people can understand. With the road I have been taking this year, diabetes is just around the corner. I have been researching a lot on PCOS fitness and diets: reading blogs, following pages on Pinterest, asking my doctors (who honestly only want to spend 15 minutes with me and shove me out the door, but that is another story...), and other sources within my home (medical journals, magazines, health books, etc). It's been quite a ride, and I figure if I am going to beat this, I can use social media to capture the adventure of this journey and get things out there.

We have been trying to get pregnant since 2010, and with all that has happened in years passed, it was been put on the back burner. I really need to make myself, my husband, and pregnancy major a priority this year. My goal is to find motivation and keep it if I want to enjoy the rest of my life. Even if we can't get pregnant, I want to enjoy all that I can with my husband to make our life together count.

....Stay tuned on more about PCOS and our journey through this.